I’m in my 20s. I’ve spent my 20s in crisis mode and it’s not an exaggeration. Anxiety, stress, depression, and just overall discontent. Before anything is said and discussed, I want to first say.
IT’S OKAY. OKAY TO FEEL THIS WAY. We all do. Despite what you see and feel around you. We are all a bunch of miserable mofos pretending to have our shit together, trying to fake it till one day it feels like we made it, scared shitless that people are onto us about faking it.
#Millennial almost became a derogatory term to address any annoying young person these days. In many ways, I can’t defend my own generation. We kinda suck.Being a millennial means we get celebrated by showing up.
You are born.
You didn’t fail school.
You still live with your parents.
You are mediocre, leggo.
Although we don't share common markers of a generation except for coming of age in the year of 2000, I still attempted to make a small list to explain how we are.
We value individuality over agreeableness
We encourage entrepreneurship and risk over stability
We say dare to dream and really mean it on a personal level.
We are the most motivated yet the laziest generation ever.
Most of us are born into families that took care of us financially well into adulthood.
We are not working to fend for livelihood, we are running around looking for meaning.
-Side note: We came up with the entire online to offline service industry so that people can take things as easy as laundry, or grocery shopping off our hands. I mean, laziness fueled an entire industry, we are not all bad…
With that in mind, I’m here to explain why it’s difficult to be content and happy in your 20s and tell you how I got to somewhat self-acceptance and happiness.
Ever since I graduated, the main sentiment I had towards life is that I’m falling behind. I had high expectations. I look around and think that everyone in my life leads better lives than me. When I see people getting married, getting promoted, being successful, being happy. I start to wonder when I’m gonna get there or if I’m ever gonna get there.
But anyone ever wonder how you can even be behind when you are only 20 something?However much I thought learning psychology made me less susceptible to social media influence, I was wrong.
On one hand, carefully engineered, filtered, perfect, #goals social posts are there to make us feel less than because your insecurities are making you purchase. Fast success stories of younger and younger millionaires of our generations got us sweating about how big of a failure our lives are. The moral of story is always if you are good enough, no matter the circumstances you will succeed. The overly simplified notion tells us that we are inadequate, even though we barely began our journey.
I thought being successful would make me happy.
I thought success meant money and higher title.
I thought wrong.
On the other hand, inspirational bullshit spreads around like flu.
Something like:
Why give up your dream when you can have it all?
You are perfect the way you are.
Keep at it, don’t take no for an answer.
The kind that is designed to give instant relief to our anxiety for a bit only to perpetuate the problem further. Let's dissect:
Sacrifice and making hard choices are what makes live meaningful. It’s hard to take the first step in acknowledging that but happiness do come from learning to make the right decisions.
No one is perfect. And we shouldn’t strive to be. We are most likely too fat, too lazy, too spoiled, or all of the above. AND IT’S NOT OKAY. WE ALL GOT TO BE BETTER.
Now that’s just rape.
Not only we are going through the universal problems of being 20 something - learning relationship, sex, socialization; juggling school, work, and family; worrying about your future; finding your identity - but also we are bombarded by unrealistic portrayal of how we are supposed to live, work, think, and look. And it has nothing to do with how hard you’re trying by the way. You can be “perfect” in others’ eyes and still feel like you’re not enough or you can’t catch up.
So how do we cope? Does it ever get easier?
It does. With age, it will get better eventually.
We can, however, improve the situation drastically ourselves.
1. Focus what makes you happy. I’m not talking about the instant adrenaline rush that you get from gaming, drugs, sex, or shopping (girls… i c u~). It’s the thing/person/place that would bring a smile to your face no matter what.
We are so easily unhappy nowadays that sitting on the runway for more than 10 minutes turns into a rather decent commiserating story (myself btw). Being the whiniest generation, we complain about the littlest things as if the world owes it to us to not lay any inconvenience our way. We even bitch about our own faults, including things that we can readily change, like laziness. The threshold of what makes us unhappy is so low that we are constantly occupied with getting rid of “unhappiness”, and missing what does make us happy. And let’s be real, having no real issue does not form grounds for zero complaints, ask all the SJWs ;). So start focusing on the things that do make you happy, even the littlest things that bring you a smile.
2. Stop talking, just do something, anything. Whoever actually followed through their new year’s resolutions, like ever? New year’s resolution was created for you to stop feeling bad for not achieving anything last year and pad yourself on the shoulder for at least wanting/planning to do more this year. After posting that BS on your Facebook /Instagram /Twitter and have people thumbs up on that plan, the gratification you’re ever going to get is obtained without ever having to do any work towards the goal.
Talking about your goal ultimately undermines the results. Just do. If I didn’t randomly just start streaming, in no dimension I thought I could do this for 6 days a week and not getting paid a dime for months. Thinking and talking never yield much motivation if action doesn’t follow right after. You will find the reasons to keep doing only if you start. Without action, we never know what we want. Talking in hypothetical is a pervasive waste of time.
3. Look inward, don’t compare. We are literally “in touch” with everyone, from our childhood crush all the way to our ex’s neighbour’s ugly dog. For no good reason, but I guess, to figure how our lives measure against others. “Staying connected” contributes the majority of our depression and lack of motivation.
Your sentiment after bad night of scrolling can easily get you into a negative spiral of hell:
Why can’t I be as pretty and rich like xxx?
Should I go the gym now?
I ate like a fat cow today…
Let me buy some gym clothes…
Why is everyone leading better lives than me?
I’m a lost cause, why try?
We are in our 20s. We’re not actually supposed to be good at anything, or be rich. It’s the time for trial and error, and for getting good at something. Stop letting the made-up perfection make you feel bad about your progress. Other people's success isn't going to help or even truly motivate you. Look inward, look to yourself on what you want to improve and use your past as your own benchmark.
Yes we are struggling, but that is what 20 something is for. Accept that and take some weight off your shoulder.
there is truth in this